5 horrible truths about men

Scarlett Black 2 years ago

Good points and yes enjoy them!

Justine76 2 years ago

I have the picture of the "heart" thought bubble on my computer. I used it on an anniversarry card for my husband. Having been married to a mn I love very deeply for 10 years, and he claims to love me just as much, I have to agree with every point you make. like it or not,thats how it is. If I had read this about 5 years ago, I would have been all..no way, not MY man, he lOVES me, he's different...some lessons suck.. Awesome hub!! (ps, I still love my guy, I just had to rethink some realities..)

cr8ve1 2 years ago

Hi anathsmith!

After reading this article..I thought about my two failed marriages caused by infidelity, and I agreed with what you said in that sense. However, I feel that there are some Women out there too, as you said, that are doing the same thing the men are doing. I guess we can't all be PERFECT all the time right? There wouldn't be any room for IMPROVEMENT then!

Thanks for this article

rvsource 2 years ago

Hi Anath,

Great hub with SOME truth, okay a lot of truth.

Here's the thing.

1.- Men use women for sex, YES, however there is TWO parts to the sexual activity unless it was rape! So with that being said, SOME women use men for sex.

2.- When a man says "I'm Not Ready For A Relationship", he really means "I am not ready for a relationship with you!" TRUE! Again, WOMEN just as guilty.

3.- Men judge you based on your physical attributes. YES, but two things here. First of all, most women spend an hour or longer getting ready staring in the mirror putting on makeup, blow drying the hair, lipstick, eye shadow...blah blah blah. Just like your "Avatar" the lips bright red! Now that is really sexy and of course you know it! If women didn't want to look sexy to men, then this ritual wouldn't happen-agreed? The second part of this is that WOMEN also judge men on their physical attributes, tell me it's not true!

4.- Men Cheat on Women They Love. Some do yes,however there is usually something missing in the relationship and not sure if the love is really there. The other thing is that when MEN cheat, they cheat with a WOMEN. The WOMEN is just as guilty!

5.- Men do not have a natural inclination to get married. Okay, you got me there. Marriage is more of a fantasy thing for the WOMEN. Most men when they get married, don't want anything to do with the arrangements. They leave it up to the WOMEN. But most WOMEN are fine with that.

Still a great hub!! I enjoyed reading it.

signed

MAN

Helen Cater 2 years ago

i wish more men would vote in your polls and give us women a clear understanding. I guess the first one is why most men visit a prostitue. You never hear of women doing this much. well written hub.

BrianS 2 years ago

1. yes true but also for washing, ironing etc.

2. most of the men I know can't say 'relationship'

3. also true, but they drink a lot to give you a fighting chance.

4. this is also true, but if you didn't pretend you couldn't iron, you would probably have to do your own.

5. have you seen how much a wedding costs???

Before I get slaughtered for these comments I would just like to say :-)

tony0724 2 years ago

Anath not all women are saints either ! And many equate your bank account as your character !

bloodnlatex 2 years ago

So what are you trying to tell me here, a room at the Sly Fox motel isn't the setting for a perfect first date? And just because I just want to be friends with you, doesn't mean that I feel any different about your sister. I don't know why you are upset, all of those other women mean nothing to me. I don't even know some of their names. You are the one I love, and I'd marry you in a heartbeat, but we could do so many other things with the money we'd have to spend. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought your eyes were in your corset for a minute.

marcofratelli 2 years ago

Hey Anath, I love the style and topics of your hubs! For me, I have never used a woman for sex and will never cheat on a woman I'm with. Having said that, the first thing you do notice about anyone is their physical attributes before you even speak to them. But even with that, I generally notice their mannerisms and how they interact with other people - whether they are massive flirts or down to earth etc. That's important too.

Catherine R 2 years ago

Quite an accurate observation of male tendencies. I am hoping my husband is one of the non-cheating variety!

elideneed34 2 years ago

These are all good points but the same things can be said about women. As a woman in a long term relationship, I find myself doing just as my companion. I compare others attributes to his (muscle mass, rear end, hands, legs, hair, employment, etc.)

The ugly truth is we all have faults. Women are sneaky and undercover. Men are open and uncaring. Women are family oriented and personal. Men are out-going and impersonal. The only difference between the two genders are our attributes. So if you got it, flaunt it. If you don't then get it. It's that simple. I for one don't have it to flaunt. Wish I did sometimes, but glad I don't most of the time.

Lovepocket 2 years ago

u make valid yet slightly overgeneralized points.as a man id like to see u write this hub about women to illustrate the point that ur perspective as a woman alters ur feelings on the opposite sex.Had u been raised a man im sure u'd have an altered opinion on the subject.Im no more right than u by making the statement,'A woman's lack of emotional control limits her ability to reason',it just my perspective as a man.

stacey reece 2 years ago

Love the hub, very well done and attractive.

I fully agree with all 5 points and you've pointed out that all not all men take all these 5 points and you've also pointed out very clearly that some women fit these 5 points as well.

Can't criticize!

And BrianS nice comment lol :0)

lchietenburger 2 years ago

very straight foward.. and harsh in a way

but so true... thanks for the great article!

Jess Killmenow 2 years ago

I'm only guilty of 2 for 5. Does that mean I'm only 40 percent male?

Raven King 2 years ago

Cool hub Anath!

But I disagree with # 5.

I never wanted to get hitched, simply never fantasized about it. Some women might be from Mars?

fratjoe18 2 years ago

I know a lot of men will disagree, but there probably just trying to make themselves look perfect. Men.... no man is perfect, and that is definitely true with relationships mostly. I will always be honest, and that is life.

fratjoe18 2 years ago

I hate to admit it, but everything that you have discussed is absolutely correct, but this only applies to most men, not all men. There are some rare male fishes out in the sea that will be faithful, and will be the prince of her dreams, but I have never seen it. My mother and father have been married for 26 years, but I see him looking up porn all the time, and they fight all the time, but they stay together, because that is what they are use to. My brother is a cheater, and I am a witness to this. It disgusts me, because his wife knows that it has happened on 3 different occasions, but she stays with him for financial security. I believe that men use women for sex, because when a man meets a woman, even though she might have beautiful eyes, and a man constantly compliments her. At the end of the night, when he goes back home alone, he is thinking of what it would be like to sleep with her. A man is constantly thinking how good is she in bed?, When it comes to marriage, it just signifies that sex is permanent, but when a man gets that confidence of being loved by a woman for so long, He ventures out sometimes, and will sleep with another women, because he becomes curious, or he is falling out of love with his wife, but he does not want to admit that to himself. Men who have low self esteem, or are a little insecure about themselves will almost every time say that if they found a woman they love , they would never cheat, or do anything wrong to hurt her. These men are watching too many fiction love story movies. Life and love is not an instant happy ever after. It takes a lot of hard work, but its human nature to slip up, even women cheat on their men to feel that fantasy she has always dreamed about. So to conclude this, most men do think what you have written, but there are men who are not like that, Are there? I don't know, but there might be, somewhere in this world. Only a man in his heart knows if he has never done anything wronng to a woman. We can never judge, but we go by what we are shown in life, and different experiences.

emievil 2 years ago

Hey Anath, you wrote quite a hub here. I was actually more interested in the results of your poll and I can't help but notice that majority of them are guilty of what you wrote :). But the last poll on staying faithful got me mystified, because majority who answered says they never cheated on the woman that they love - after they admitted to using women only for sex and looking first at their boobs and being afraid of a relationship. The results are kind of inconsistent. Either different guys answered the questions or same guys answered and they turned over a new leaf or same guys answered and they're not telling the whole truth :).

John Matrix 2 years ago

I would like to make some honest comments based on my experience, introspection, and observations.

1. Quoting You: "It is not a secret that men can have sex with women for whom they have no feelings for."

I have met many women who can have sex with men that they not only have no feelings for, but who they are not even physically attracted to, and they have sex with them while not even being aroused. Prostitutes for example?

2. Quoting You: "Men do not like to go without sex, and if they are in need for it they will take any available women willing to satisfy their sexual desires."

It's true that "Healthy" men do not like to go without sex.....but that also applies to women as well. Prostitutes have sex with men that they are not attracted to all the time. I have been picked up from male stripper bars many times by women who just wanted sex with no strings.

3. Quoting You: "Unlike women who most of the time link sex to love, men make love to women for different reasons like merely to satisfy a physical need, or because they feel lonely or even just to satisfy their ego."

Women do the same thing. I've seen it over and over again. I've experienced it even in Christian churches. One night I received a phone call from a 26 year old (very attractive) single mom from the church I was attending. I have no clue how she got my phone number. Anyway, we talked for a while and she ended up coming to my apartment. We talked some more and then ended up making bim bam! We only had a casual relationship after that....which was friendly and mutual. I let her take the lead if she wanted sex.

If a wife or husband is denying their spouse sex, they should expect their spouse to look elsewhere sooner or later.

4. Quoting You: "Unlike women who most of the time link sex to love, men make love to women for different reasons like merely to satisfy a physical need, or because they feel lonely or even just to satisfy their ego."

Many women are intelligent enough not to link sex with love. Sex is sex. Love is love. Sex is an appetite that life depends on, just as life depends on our eating food. Without sex there would be no life, but life exists without love. Life without love is a miserable state. Life without sex is also a miserable state and it leads to all kinds of problems.

I have experienced shallow sexual relationships with women who were only looking for sex with someone they found reasonably sexually attracted to...without any love involved. I who would go to the male stripper bars to meet women, and what I observed and experienced would probably make you pull your hair out for having made a lot of your statements in this hub if I were to reveal it here!!

It's a fact of life that men and women are attracted to each other(most are), but after after having sex once or twice, and after getting to know them a bit better, all kinds of things can happen to cause them to not want a serious relationship. A few examples: A guy meets a woman that he is attracted to mentally, physically, spiritually, etc. He might think she is beautiful....but then....sees her in a dress and discovers she has zero lower leg development(no calves)....BAM!! Something is triggered in his sub conscious and there is no way he can see himself married to her. It could be bad breath, crooked teeth, eye color, a missing toe on your right foot, a scar on your belly from surgery, skinny thighs, big butt, a flat chest, incompatible associations with organizations, your friends, your family, your philosophy on life, etc. that triggers this response. It works both ways and applies to both genders. I personally have been the one rejected many times, and I also was the one telling the other person that I don't want a serious relationship....many times.

We all have certain niche interests that can cause us to be attracted and certain niche incompatibility with others that cause them to back away.

I learned to curb my expectations and go with the flow. If a woman only wanted me around to fulfill her sexual passions now and then, I was fine with it. And I admit that there were women that I spent time with while knowing that I had no interest in a long term relationship with them. It has to be a mutual understanding based on honesty and respect for the others feelings. I never led anyone on in order to get sex. If I was not interested in them as a sole mate, I would explain that to them. I would flat out tell a woman that they should continue searching for Mr. Right BUT, in the meantime, if they wanted to meet as friends and satisfy each others sexual needs, go out for dinner and chat about things going on in their lives, etc. I would enjoy that.

If you find yourself chasing or stalking someone and you find that you are always doing the calling, pursuing, etc. then that person is not right for you.

On the other hand, if you find your new friend is becoming a leach, getting in your way, bothering you, smothering you, stalking, etc. they are not right for you.

When it's the right sole mate, you won't be feeling like you are being stalked or pursued, or like you are the one doing the pursuing, because you won't be able to get enough of each other.

6. Quoting You: "Most men know at the start of a relationship what type of relationship they are going to have with that woman. Very rarely a torrid sexual relationship without attachments turns into a love story."

This is true for both genders....not just men.

6. Quoting You: "If you ever have the impression that a man is just using you for sex, probably you are right."

This also works both ways. But come on.....let's get real here. Women and men are portrayed as sexual objects in films and media all the time.....ads for candy, chocolate, chewing gum, ladies underwear, jeans, make-up, weight loss products, exercise products, perfume, camera's, cars, etc. etc. all exploit and objectify women and men as sexual objects. Why do you think that is? It's because it's that is a very big part of what we are. In fact, I would love to have someone around that I am attracted to who considers me a sexual object. Of course, it should go without even having to say it, that we are more than that. But without sex, you won't have a marriage for long, unless both partners have no interest in sex, but the love remains.

I don't have the time to deal with every point you made on this thread. But. Every single point you made can also be applied to women. It would be more correct to say, "some women and some men" do this or that, but stop blaming men exclusively!!

Your comments do nothing to bridge the gender gap, and I fear that impressionable minds, could be infected by what you have stated.

Remember, there are more North American men living today who have been brought up by single moms than there have been in the past. If men are such a problem, maybe you should look at what single moms are teaching them...or not teaching them.

johnmatrix 2 years ago

My comment above is submitted respectfully of course, and I would like nothing more than to discuss this further with you some time.

Lisa 2 years ago

How much do you weigh?

johnmatrix 2 years ago

The problem with all of your questions are they are confirmation bias set ups.

1. Have you ever used a women ONLY for sex?

Yes, BUT they also used me to fulfill her sexual fantasies and requirments too. It was always mutual....in fact...many times I felt pressured to service a woman....and being the empath that I am, I did it out of sympathy for them, and felt good about helping them out afterwards too. DO you see how your Yes or No question is loaded to prejudice men now?

2. Have you ever said to a woman "I am not ready for a relationship" when you really meant "not ready for a relationship with you"?

WHat difference does it make if I say I am not ready, or I am not ready to have it with you? Take the hint and don't push it for crying out loud.

Another loaded question designed to prejudice men who answer it honestly without an opportunity to explain.

3. The first thing you notice about a woman is:

The first thing people with eye sight notice about anyone upon first meeting them is their physical appearence such as face, hair, clothing, hieght, weight, musculature, symetry, proportions, and other physical attributess. Then as you get closer you notice finer details incuding odors.

Then as you begin to talk to them you size up their intelligence, their ability to articulate, their sensitivity to others, their ego, knowledge, wisdom, philosophy on life, relationships, marriage, the kind of food they like, their interests, activities....oh...and their bank accounts.....let's not forget that!!

4. Have you ever cheated on a woman you love?

Another loaded question that does not take into account that women manipulate and abuse men emotionally by using sex as a weapon. Women know the kind of power they have over men, and many use that power improperly.

My answer, Yes, HOWEVER, only because she used sex as a weapon to manipulate me and I could see the marriage was going down the tubes because of that dominance and manipulation.

I understand it's difficult to find a marriage partner for a lot of people. A lot of times it's due to a persons own negative attitude, an over inflated self image, not caring about what they look like(overweight, poorly dressed, poor grooming habits, low self esteem, cigarette smoking, drug using, acne) or not having learned about the elements that make a relationship stand the test of time.

Sandi 3m 2 years ago

I thaught this was great and right on. It is true that some women have some of these same qualities, from what I have seen from relationships of everyone I know, it is more usually the man.

Scott.Life 2 years ago

I have been guilty of 2 and 3, but I think it would have been more accurate for you to say some men, or even many, but the fact is not all men engage in the behavior you describe in fact most do not. A man can not get away with any of the things you mentioned above without having a willing female partner. Women know when a man is really into them or not, whether they choose to acknowledge that is another story.

Vizey 2 years ago

3.- Men judge you based on your physical attributes.. very true :) enjoyed your hub.. keep posting :)

troyseph0 2 years ago

This hub is terrible. Women do it too! Women cheat, women judge men on physical appearence, women use men for sex. Women only want relationships because of social pressure. Men don't have a natural inclination for marriage because marriage is not natural. Thats what I think!

Mocha Momma 2 years ago

Anath,

Great hub. I know what the intent is when you wrote this one, as all of these do not apply to every man, but men (from my male friends mouths have all said they are shallow and base things initially on the physical attributes of a woman)...

I hope that the men reading this do not take offense, as this hub was not intended for that, it's just that there are a lot of women out there that lie to themselves about certain men.

Another thing to mention, in the commitment component is a man is not going to settle down/propose to you if he is not where he feels he should be at in his life... Meaning, if he doesn't have everything aligned, (career/title/finances), he's definitely not going to be in the mindset of marriage... No matter how long the relationship has gone on...

jim10 2 years ago

Well I voted but, I don't think I really fit in here. I fell in love with my wife in high school. Had kids early and figured mine as well get married too. The only profile I fit here is that I would have loved her just as much and it wouldn't have mattered if I we didn't get married. Well I guess it is nice that she has my last name now. Oh and I guess I do look at bOObs before the personality. But, doesn't everybody?

Plavix 2 years ago

Why you don't like men?

sumosalesman 2 years ago

And women use men for babies and homes and screen out people for their body language. The human race is shallow and warped all around.

Wayne Orvisburg 2 years ago

I would have to say that 1-4 apply just as much to women as they do to men. And number 5 is true because most women won't acknowledge that 1-4 applies to them as well.

Vicky Webb 2 years ago

I Love this hub so honest and true.

ralwus 2 years ago

I declare the fifth. LOL

The Agro One 2 years ago

I am going to start by saying that I do not fit the typical male you have identified in your hub but to be honest all of my former girlfriends and current girl friend thought that I was gay when they first met me. I believe in romantic love. I believe that there is a person out there for each of us that will complete us in every way that we fall short. I am 27 now and can still count my sexual partners on one hand. This isn't because of lack of willing girls wanting to but because the one night stand has never appealed to me. I'm not unattractive or unable to talk to women. I am a very charismatic person who always attracts a crowd. I've always wanted the two story white house, the nine to five, and the kids and the wife. That's just me though.

Jonathan Janco 2 years ago

Anath,

I see you already have plenty of feedback, but I will add mine.

1. Using someone for sex is not a gender issue, it's a maturity issue. I have been used for sex by many women in my life. Some have even gone so far as to say it's all I'm good for, citing my financial situation as their exclusive justification. This is a sign of selfishness and immaturity.

2. Not being ready to be in a relationship is also not a gender issue, it's a trust issue. I've dated many women whom I've said this sort of thing to and mostly for reasons of not feeling right about being with that person. I have also been on the other side of this where I got too attached too quickly.

3. Judging someone on their physical attributes is nothing unusual and is a sign of shallowness. The number of women who judged me in this way goes on and on. I've dated a few women who ask that priceless question, 'Why do you like me?' and have offered my genuine opinion on that. When asking the same question in return I have, on occasion, gotten the answer, 'Because you're cute', and that was it.

4. If you cheat on someone, you don't respect them . . . end of story. And I don't think you can love someone you don't respect. I had cheated a few times and got caught. We all have to make mistakes in order to mature, right? It all starts w/ self-respect, and I've met many people of each gender that have very little self-respect and that's a shame. Often, I've dated women whom I've given the benefit of the doubt to only to have my initial suspicions of their being shallow, manipulative, deceptive, materialistic and self-centered be all too brutally confirmed. For the last two years I have not dated or had sex or even kissed anyone mainly because I have felt the need to work on myself so that I can be available to that one true love that I know I will someday find because . . .

5. I do actually want to get married. I haven't yet mainly because the right feelings simply have never been there in any of my previous relationships. Close, but no cigar.

Again, I'm not going to suggest that there aren't many men who fit these characteristics, but such men are just overgrown boys who are no different than the overgrown girls who are often guilty of the same things.

I hope this feedback is helpful to you and your readers.

Sincerely,

Jonathan.

Catalyst_LA 2 years ago

First and foremost, I would like to say great job on the article.

Now, I will offer my $0.02 as a male on these 5 topics.

1. I understand men do this and do it often and so do many women. I understand this isn't a battle of the sexes but needed to add that to make my point. Again, most women are often okay with the "casual sex" lifestyle as long as they are AWARE of what exactly is taking place between both parties. I think this is often where men mess up because they never convey to her from the beginning that they are just friends. When a woman understands this and somehow ends up sleeping with you, she understands it's not going to go any further than that. While I don't really "sleep around" per se, I do have many female friends that I have gotten fairly passionate with but due to the fact that I made the friendship clear from the start, they are able to accept the situation and often times end up finding boyfriends that they really enjoy later on. While I agree that men are biologically driven to play Johnny Appleseed, it's true men that learn to take control of these drives and emotions. Just because a man gets aroused doesn't mean he has to go sleep with the next female he sees as if he's some animal in heat during mating season. As humans we have the ability to utilize discretion and true men understand that. Also, if a woman is in such a situation and isn't sure as to whether or not she is being used, it's important that she express her thoughts and feelings because most men probably won't realize that she may be expecting more out of the relationship.

2. This also goes hand in hand with number 1 in the sense that men need to make sure they set the ground rules with a woman. Whenever I meet a female for the first time, regardless of whether or not I ever intend to get involved in a relationship with her, I always make sure to tell her that she "Seems like an interesting individual and that I'm sure we could develop a wonderful friendship". That simple sentence has changed so many things for me and saved me plenty of mixed up emotions and teary eyed conversations.

3. This is true in the sense that a woman's appearance is the FIRST thing we notice, but there are many other things that quickly follow that (on a quick side note, "eyes" would have been a nice option for the voting as it's one of the first things that I always notice). For the sake of simplicity, I'm going to use the infamous 1-10 scale. Say there's a woman who is a 7 on the APPEARANCE SCALE. As a man, you see her and think to yourself that she's above average but not incredibly beautiful. After that, you quickly notice her posture, mannerisms and demeanor. Does she seem conceited? Down to earth? Genuine? Annoying? Intriguing? Then if you decide to approach her (or she happens to appraoch you), you begin talking to her and get a decent taste as to what kind of person she is. Believe it or not, but probably the most appealing thing in a woman is KINDNESS (remember it ladies). So if you approach Ms. 7 and she is sweet as can be and makes you feel comfortable, then she has just transcended to an 8-9 on the (as I like to call it) ATTRACTION SCALE. This also works in the opposite way, so if there's a girl who might be 9-10 but has a terrible attitude or personality, she can EASILY fall to a 6 and will be seen as nothing more than an expendable hook-up. Now when it comes to a man, the Attraction Scale is where you want to be as a woman. Most women don't understand this and think "well I'm not that pretty so I'm never going to find a really great guy" which is very far from the truth. I consider myself a pretty decent looking guy and have had some pretty beautiful women after me. My point is that despite the fact that I could have dated these women, I didn't because I wasn't really all that attracted to them overall. The majority of my girlfriends have been "cute" but their attitudes and personalities are what truly set them apart and gave them an edge over the competition.

4. This is not a need. It might be a desire, but never a need. In all honesty, I think this is actually due more to a lack of discretion. Again, a man might be in a relationship with a gorgeous woman, but if he's not all that attracted to her then chances are he will be seeking other avenues. I've been in quite a few relationships and can honestly say I never fantasized about other women. Instead, I would actually fantasize about ways that I could make things more interesting with the woman I was currently with. I have never cheated on any of the women I love because I actually loved them and that is not something you do to someone you truly love (please note when I say love I am also including: respect, admire, enjoy, care for, etc.). Actually, I have been cheated on twice by women who had been cheated on themselves and who also asked me if I would tell them I ever cheated on them. After I learned that they had cheated on me I immediately broke it off despite the fact that they claimed to "really love" me.

5. We all know that dreaming of wedding days is a woman's business both emotionally and biologically, not to mention that it's good business for her. True men really don't think about marriage all that much and men are naturally inclined to procreate, but at the same time men are also naturally inclined to lead and that's exactly what a fathering role calls for: leadership. I think men do desire marriage in some ways although definitely not for the same reasons as women. I think that argument could easily be made by the fact that marriage is such a widespread concept throughout so many cultures and has also been around for so long. Now whether or not men are faithful in marriages and whether those marriages last is another story and probably more of an ethical one at that. In essence, men desire marriage more than most people think.

On a final note, I would like women to think about this: I'm not denying that these things are true, but rather trying to give insight into the male mind. Also, instead of accepting these things as universal truths for all me, these should be considered 'warning signs' if nothing else as most of these topics will vary due to the principles, morals and personalities of each individual. If you're looking for a relationship or marriage, don't date a guy who shows these traits. Find a man who has made the choice to lead his life in a different direction. Now if you're looking for a fling, I'd say just find someone you click with on a decent level and make sure they're not a cereal killer ;)

Again, enjoyed the post Anath.

ralwus 2 years ago

I need to tell you that your avatar is Hot! What a lovely mouth it is. Nuff said.

Eken Lam 2 years ago

Most of the points, it's okay and I believe you.

However, we should not forget that every story has two sides of it. Not bad at all. Really read all your words, nice.

an activist goose 2 years ago

Anath! I could get lost in your hubs for hours - soooo classy and sensual!!! You titillate from toe to head...

As for the 5 horrible truths about men: I've been in a monogamous relationship for nearly 26 years during which I've admitted to myself some human truths. The whole elusive, mysterious package makes any form of contact (voice,eye, skin, etc.) intriguing, challenging and fun. Dancing with as many partners as one wishes serves as my favorite metaphor. What makes DWTS so popular?

The men and women who haven't enjoyed playing the Mating Game for the mere challenge of it turn out to be boring "rules" people from birth. Some of your book ads may fill in those who profess innocence; however, I propose, intentionally or not, that each of your 5 issues boil down to our animal natures - that being, make the most of procreating with the maximum benefits of blended DNA. In other words, animal instincts are merely tamed by our human institutions in an attempt to protect our progeny until they venture out to continue our genetic programming.

I've recently read about true asexuals. Perhaps mother nature has built-in birth control!!!

For the rest of us, even tho' my libido is less urgent these days, enjoy the dance!

mtsi1098 2 years ago

Well I am happy to say that I answered NO to all these questions and they are honest answers...Question 3 was missing the first thing I noticed about my wife and that was her eyes (I could have selected the attributes but I did not feel as though it represented the event)...thanks for the perspective though...

crickette_w 2 years ago

There is a time in all of our lives we are "ready to settle down. If done too early, I do believe all of these apply on both sides. We are ready to settle down with a mate when our confidence level is in a secure place. Then and only then do we have the trust within ourselves and in our mate to have the maturity enough to continually show on a daily basis the love, care, concern and trust we have for our mate. Now, this isn't always the case for both people when they get together. It is a fact that women mature quicker than men. There are all sorts of factors that keep a relationship at a total infancy. This is where the problems start. Love, no it isn't love to cheat. It all comes down to being able to actually marry the one you feel those undying feelings for. Then, gosh, it really takes alot of work from both sides to keep this alive. You have to continue to be that dotting person, you have to continue to make those phone calls and etc.. These are the things you must do to keep your mate. Society has made so many excuses for men, they can't help but get it in their minds it's ok. If you truely love each other, and you have truely chosen the right man, none of these things would ever apply. It all comes down to choosing a strong confident man, who isn't still looking for validation for his manhood. When approached by another women, the first things outta his mouth outta be how wonderful his love at home is. This I promise you will give him more satisfaction than the feelings of quilt he will have if he chooses the opposing. Now, I have to say this is one of the best written hubs I have seen on the pages. Great work, I just disagree. Thanks for listening.

shrek619 2 years ago

I am male and I thought everyone has the same attitude.

ran123 2 years ago

You can blame few men not all the men for that. It is very difficult to date faithful men. so you only experienced bad guys.

tarkishat 2 years ago

Loved it! Keep 'em in the hot seat girl!

IdeaMorphist 2 years ago

Absolutely love your points. Also, the structure and use of the polls was genius!

saved078 2 years ago

I respect,honor,and love women.I love their appearence,sweet ways and beauty.Women ARE NOT toys! The only way that I'll sleep with a woman is if she's my bride.

Sa Toya 2 years ago

a really good read. Being a single young woman and having never been in a serious relationship, I find this is something we a;; need t bear in mind..especially when looking for a serious relationship. We should know what we want and go get it, and remember that when we do it needs nurturing!

Loved it!

philosotographer 2 years ago

good insight, I would almost think that you were a man. One of the best short books I've ever read on this topic was called "Everything I know about men, I learned from my dog" very interesting and it was written by a woman.

Galameth 2 years ago

Oh my how having a homosexual relationship change the viewpoint on those topics :P

Karl, Friedrich and Vladimir 2 years ago

There is a simple way out of this endless problems: good old communism. Women should belong to all men and men to all women. The global relationship crisis would be a thing of the past, just like the global financial crisis (just get rid of private ownership).

Kkathi 2 years ago

What I find interesting is that even in the 21st century women are still whinning about men. I thought we'd changed during one of the many sexual revolutions over the decades. In the 80's women were all about the power. Power over our jobs, our lives, sex. But behind closed doors we're still crying over the boy that didn't call. Why is that? And if we don't do that, if we act like men. Have sex like men we're called cold and calculating. A shame really.

I was married for 25yrs. I was the driving force that kept that man alive. Ya know how the saying goes, behind every great man is a great woman. Well, when I stepped out from behind him to see what was going on I realized that without me, he'd be nothing. And I was right. Instead of re-telling the same old truths, and yes, they are truths about men it should be understood that women can have or not have everything a man does. Women forget that when they go out, yes there's a man looking at them. But they can look back or look away. We, as women hold all the control. No, you can't force a man to marry you, if that's what you really want. But would you want to be in a marriage with a man you had to force to the alter anyway? Probably not. Wise up ladies, the only seperating us from men is a penis.

The Dix View 2 years ago

To be honest, I wish I could argue with you more than I can, but I know a lot of guy's that fit this bill, and Guy's brag aboput this, as to Ladies. I can say that I don't fit any of these ecxcept the physical attributes, nut then again, The first thing you do when you meet anyone is see them.

As far as Marrige, I was in a bad one, and Idid everything I could to keep from losing it. I didn't cheat, and I made every attempt to get counseling for my wife and I. We have a great son, who I love and I'm sad that I'm not still married. I loved being maried and wishI could find a soul mate to get married again.

Maybe I'm different, but Iknow a lot of happily married guys, and I think we all think mostly the same. You wouldn't necesarily meet us in a bar, but we're around.

karatekidjmt 2 years ago

Obviously you werent factoring in christian men into the equation. and obviously you are not aware of what love means because if you truly love someone then you dont cheat on them period. It sounds to me like you have been cheated on by someone that you believed loved you and now you are very confused on this point.

Gr8legs 2 years ago

Well, now, let me ask you a question; why are the testes of human males larger than those of male gorillas in proportion to their overall body size, yet smaller than those of a chimpanzee.

The answer is related to the female orgasm - sexual competition.

The average human male ejaculates within 3 minutes of vaginal penetration. Do you know (m)any women who can reach orgasm within 3 minutes? I've certainly never met one, not unless penetrational intercourse has been preceeded by protracted foreplay.

In evolutionary terms, the sole purpose of female orgasm is to encourage copulation. Now, then, if a female member of a particular species is not sexually satiated after having copulated with one male, how can she be expected to achieve satiety? By proceeding to mate with another sexual partner, would appear to be the obvious answer. Poliandry (a female mating with many male partners) is the norm in chimp society, as it is amongst many ape species.

If you are a male who's sexual partner is mating with other males, how best can you ensure that your gametes (sperm) will successfully pass your genes on to the next generation? By producing lots of them. It is analgous to buying a ticket in the lottery - you've got to be in it to win it and the more tickets you hold, the greater your chance of success; this is the law of probability.

Thus, according to Darwinian principles, in a society in which there is a lot of competition for the ova, those males who produce the greatest volume of sperm will be successful.

This then brings me onto my next point - "Don't put all your eggs in one basket", Knowing that, immediately following your own graceful "dismount", another male was waiting to take up where you left off, what else can you do to maximise your reproductive potential for success? Buy tickets for another lottery, of course. Thus, the male chimpanzees are polygynous (one male, many females).

Gorilla society comprises largely of one single alpha male - the silverback - being the sole progenitor of all offspring produced by a "harem" of females; he doesn't need to produce copious amounts of sperm as he decides when the females are mated and it is (almost - some females are occasionally unfaithful) exclusively he who will mate with them. Hence the (relatively) tiny testes.

In human society we place unnatural constraints upon ourselves. The concept of freedom within a communal society is entirely false because, by default, if we wish to live cheek-by-jowl with others of our own kind, we must forego certain freedoms - e.g. the right to keep the money we earn, so we pay taxes.

Being that human offspring are born approximately 12 months prematurely in biological/survival terms and are entirely dependent upon their parents for nurturing and protection for at least 14-16years, this represents a high level of investment in offspring - especially as family sizes continue to shrink; thus, we surrender our opportunies for sexual promiscuity to maximise the survival of our offspring.

Is it any wonder, then, that some of us - both male AND female, occasionally fall from grace in terms of fidelity. In biological terms we are merely expanding our options and maximising our opportunities for procreational success. Humans as a distinct genus have existed for over one and a half million years, yet civilisation has existed for less than three and a half thousand years - a comparative drop in the bucket. Our psycho-social conscious is not THAT far removed from "Lucy" (a protohominid; Austrolapitecus Afarensis).

p.s. the author has just come out of a relationship in which he was both physically and emotionally faithful for fourteen and a half years.

karatekidjmt 2 years ago

seeing that many people posting and reading this stuff are sexually active, i thought this would be appropriate. 1 out of 2 sexually active youth will have contracted an std by age 25. by age 50 over 80% of women will have acquired HPV.

I personally know two young women who got AIDS from someone and now they are mad at the world, and so what they do is purposely hook up with different unsuspecting men in order to "get even" as crazy as that sounds... All evil is a twisting of something good. God designed sex for it to be between a husband and wife. when we take it outside of his design, we should not be shocked at the consequences that it has. those were just a few of hundreds of shocking statistics. sex is never enough in itself to satisfy. i used to try to find satisfaction from it and other things and guess what i found. BRIEF and FLEETING satisfaction that always needed to be replenished. that is not real satisfaction. Only God can give what our souls are searching for.

Gr8legs 2 years ago

It was inevitable, wasn't it? You always get some God-botherer turning up eventually with the "It's a sin" line. STIs are not a punishment for sex outside of marriage. We are animals; highly intellectually evolved , maybe, but animals all the same and as such are designed to procreate and thus pass on our genes onto the next generation.

Viruses are merely a life-form that has evolved to fill a niche in the complex tapestry of life. As eukaryotes, they are not able to multiply without interacting with a host agency, an interaction that is ultimately to the detriment of the host. So please, karatekidjmt, spare the sermons for someone who gives a shit.

Love is nothing more than a chemical trick to get us to procreate and sex is the mechanism by which this is achieved. God has nothing to do with it, nor has sex outside of marriage. The transmission of STIs is best controlled by practicing "safe sex" between consenting adults. Or should we start talking about paedophiliac priests now, or multi-millionaire televangelists living "sex guru" lifestyles funded by poor gullible fools seeking salvation?

dawnM 23 months ago

loved the article and very true about men, if more women read this article there would be a whole lot less hurt women in the world!!!!!

Alissa Margaret 22 months ago

I loved it! Brilliant points, someone needed to say it!

davidseeger 22 months ago

After reading all of the comments, I want to say that I admire your strength that allows you to respond to all of these people without losing your patience. One pair of communications make me want to comment. There will always be someone who will introduce God and his perceived rules for sexual conduct. At the same time you will always get the knee jerk reaction of the person who doesn't bother to read the comment. It is his opportunity to pour vitrol on the head of the poor christian who by nature of his religious belief is not allowed an opnion. Those who demand freedom of speech are always at the front of the mob insistant that some other group be denied the same right.

Well, i know this isn't truly appropriate for your subject, but my cow got gored and I had to react.

On the subject of your hub, I'll say it's very good. It's extensive and well thought through. For me, though, I believe that may be based on some false asumption. You say, I believe, that you do not believe in marrage. Do you believe in long term relationships without the inconvenience of a contract? If that is your positon, this whole hub seems to be missing an understanding of your basis for making these points. To me, it seems that the only justification for caring about the answers to these questions is the constrants implicit in marrage. But then I an probably misunderstanding you. Thanks for all the food for thought.

dothebedn 21 months ago

Lot of men are like this, however not all men are. I know a few women that think every man on this earth is the same and hate even a good man because of the fact that he is a man. In the end it only hurts them.

I dont use women for sex, I can do without sex easily. My sex drive is very low. No I am not gay. I get more joy out of just hanging out then I do with sex. I like to keep the woman I am with happy.

I am not read for a relationship myself, but I am not ready for a relationship with anyone. I have been in too many bad ones where the woman has taken advantage of my kindness and threw it back at me that I want to stay single for a while. A friend relationship though I can do.

When I was in my teens I did judge by appearance, though I have learned that the outside of the body is only a shell, and when you love someone you only see the person rather then the shell.

I never cheated and couldn't possibly cheat on someone I love. If I love someone, the thought of cheating on them makes me sick. Why ruin a great relationship by doing something as stupid as cheating?

One day I hope to find someone to marry, I have often thought of it and want to when I find the right person. I know I am taking a break from dating, but I know I will date again soon when the time is right.

I do know that most men are douche bags, but not all men are. Sadly there are not enough men out there that are good. But they are out there.

JakeMcMurphy 20 months ago

I can't agree with this hub more. Men do these things. But not all men. There are lots of men out there who are kind, generous, and loyal. It really depends on who they are. What women can count on though is that if a man does any of these things once, then more than likely, he will do it again. There are exceptions but usually it's true.

Cory Winn 19 months ago

""2.- When a man says "I'm Not Ready For A Relationship", he really means "I am not ready for a relationship with you!" ""

Wrong, lol. Most do mean it. Its not you, he really does not want a relationship at that given time. Sure, some men might use it as an excuse, but most of the time its honest.

Nick Malizia 19 months ago

I might come up with a defense for males on this... but so far I'm too giddy with all these cute women on the board yelling stuff like "Keep 'em in line!!" :swoon: Whether it's 100% accurate or not I'm having too much fun getting yelled at. I'm sure I'm not the only guy who feels this LMAO!!

Sorry, Anath. I'm gonna make a logical comment in a sec as soon as this spell leaves my mind. Ha ha!

Nick Malizia 19 months ago

Romantic beach image with heart butt is hilarious!

1 and 4. Nothing to say, literally. Not experienced in "using" people. I guess that's a good thing.

2. and 3. Initially I recognize physical attributes first. But personality is still very important. One type of personality is the "adventurous" kind, not every woman is adventurous. But the other purely intellectual,

poetic personality is very important to a lot of guys. There are many romantics whose population is dwarfed by jerks, lol!

5. I wonder about marriage and children but not relating to fidelity issues. Sometimes I worry if the world or future is too bleak to bring a child into. But I recently made up my mind that they still have a good shot, so problem solved. :)

I enjoyed this talk and I think it's great that you are warning women so they won't get disappointed. I talked to a woman the other day who told me something powerful: "Don't try to change/help him. Some people seriously don't want to be helped." She was with a real jerk.

Final note: Women can be hybrid Martian/Venusian(?) That sounds like the jackpot. lol!

Madam_Lorr 16 months ago

Hi! Love your posting!

I have to say I know quite a number of women who use men as human dildos too, ie, just for sex! And, they don't necessarily want the guy emotionally either.

I think as people get older, they tend to look for bonding mates. So, if it looks like people are all about sex and not emotional bonding, it's true in the young years!

As far as marriage, I have to say I've found men to be open to marriage. I've gotten a few proposals in my dating years, so I can't say I have experienced your feelings on that issue.

And yes, men judge women based on their physical appearance, but don't you too? We all do. Women like men who are healthy and strong - it guarantees good breeding genes. It's completely natural to want a good looking male at your side!

Women do cheat too. Some go for a well to do man, who may be average looking, but they will turn around and sleep with the young, hard bodied pool boy! Don't you be fooled. :-)

Above all, some women need to stop feeling like a Victim! You're in control over yourself! Be proud of your Femininity and use it for your betterment and gain!

Yasha 15 months ago

I don't have time just now to say more, but I'd like to say at least this to offer what so far seems to be an entirely new perspective.

The first thing we notice is looks. Yes, of course that's true. I'm no exception. And how the freaking heck would you ask it to be any different? Are you going to hide behind a curtain for three years all the while hoping that no man ever sees you and falls in love instead with your personally? I'd personally be put off by the fact that you held such an opinion of men, and that you had such an opinion of your body, and concerned about your sanity for you decision, and doubt I'd fall in love with such a personality. Asking, not only a man, but any person, not to notice looks first, is asking the entire population to walk around with a blindfold, it's not exactly possible. It's impossible to get to know a person before we look at them, so of course we notice how they look first. You should also be aware, that there are men, like myself, who use the mannerisms in which a girl holds herself, and dresses herself, to determine aspects of her personality. ie, if she wears make-up, is she overly-attached to her own looks, has a lower self-esteem, and therefore, I find her less attractive. And that aside, the ultimate, however obviously never first (or we'd have real love at first sight) determining factor for me is personality. Personality directly affects what I see when I look at a girl. On no account have I ever gotten to know a girl better, come to like her personality, and not felt like she didn't have more aspects of beauty than I previously did. In fact, there have been cases where I've looked at a girl, thought her almost ugly, ignored that and became friends with her anyways, and later come to feel like she was sure one of the most beautiful creatures on earth.

-The introspective male.

Mr. Regular 4 months ago

Dont know why it just seems natural.

1. Yes we do thats all we think about.

2. Yes its hurts less then saying we just are not that into you.

3. Yes of coarse who dont want the latest and greatest new toy to play with.

4. Yes one is not enough :(

5. Yes marriage means nothing. It is a silly bond put on people by people. Or maybe its just what we see what it has become. :(

Its tough being a guy when a society tells you your not allowed to be one... :(

Katia 3 months ago

ok...... It is good to hold up these truths (in your mind), remember them & use them as a line of defense to filter out the kind of guys who are just soulless idiots idiots walking around looking for somebody to jack & looking to jack whatever they can out of every person that they meet that they think they can jack these things from by lying to them.

But it is unhealthy to believe everything that men say about themselves because they will bombard you with "facts about men" so that they can take stuff from you without giving anything back; implying that the situation is hopeless & that you just exist to be jacked & abused by a bunch of host-hopping parasitic clowns. So you might as well just sit your butt down & let them all travel around: abusing you & sucking up to each other to determine the others' social status.

you know: I would hate to think that most men have NO morals & spend their whole lives traveling around trying to find/ talk or lie women into having sex with them (for nothing in return) only to immediately go running around trying to find the NEXT one to have sex with (or WHATEVER it is that they're supposed to want nowadays in order to be considered "cool" by other men.)

But it's PROBABLY good to assume the worst because it will surprise you how often the negative traits that you try to avoid in people will turn up & shock you & chase you your whole life..

It's kinda like being the only store within a certain mile radius..... & everybody for some reason wants to come in your store & jack everything; you don't WANT them to come in your store..... but they say they got the money to pay for whatever it is that they seem to NEED so badly..... or if they don't that they'll come & keep you company or trade you for something that YOU want.. or help you with something you need to do or sweep/ mop the store WHATEVER.. & then they DON'T, they just grab the thing off the shelf, go "eh, heh, heh! You're stupid cuz you let me grab this thing off the shelf here!" & run away all proud of themselves.. ONLY to........ go the next store.. & do the same thing! Honestly!!!!

Is this suposed to be some kind of joke?!!

I UNDERSTAND that the vast, vast, vast, vast majority of ALL men are COMPLETELY selfish.. & that the ONLY time they usually get married is when they start to panic & realize that they're NOT the center of the universe & that for SOME REASON not EVERYBODY seems to exist only for the purpose of serving THEM & they get scared & cling to the first short ugly bitchy brunnette that they see who can $$$upport THEM & "fall in love" with them & marry them; only to continue to act like a**clowns, buy themselves new "d-bag at the bowling alley" outfits (khakis & hawaiin shirts), get together with OTHER dudes with greasy hair, sandblasted, shiny faces, fake blue contacts in & of course, khakis & hawaiin shirts & walk around pretending they're single.

I'm sorry, but I've had TOO many "boyfriends" try to talk me into TOO many stupid, horrible, DISGUSTING things & it DIDN'T matter to them that I or NOBODY would EVER want to do that; all THEY cared about was being able to go running up to their friends with their tongues hanging out & telling them that they (finally!) made some girl do this, that or the next thing on their disgusting little checklists of things they've seen in porn &that they have to go make some girl do now............ & then beg "am I cool yet, Jake? Huh?? AmIamIamIamIamIamIamiamI please..please..please..please..please" & so on.

There we have it.

So..........if it's perfectly natural to act this way, why are so many men coming on here defensively howling about how women are "exactly the same" as men, dammit! Or that women INVENTED it, "started" it & that they have NO CHOICE but to react the "same way" as ALL of these things that WOMEN invented: so once again it's "our" fault that they are acting this way so THEY can keep on doing it & then they get all proud of themselves by the end of their little "informatory" that they don't notice how stupid it sounds or how obvious it is that THEY don't even believe this stuff THEMSELVES.

Anyway, if the human race was ever useful; I think it has outrun it's course. It's going to be a gross, disgusting end full of vomit & nausea at the Darwin Awards of Life when the humans finally take the stage, win the Awards & go home

Adrian 8 weeks ago

¿Highly sexual creatures?, thanks the lord you love us (I wonder how this would be if that wasn't the case), anyway, no, not all men are like that, the only thing I kinda agree with is #3, well, I can't categorize every men either like "hey, every men judge a girl based on her physical attributes", so I'm just gonna say that I don't judge a girl based on her physical attributes, of course that's the first thing I'm attracted to (girls do teh same, at least most of them), but is till I interact with her a couple of times when I make my first "judment", you talk about "truths" like you know everything about men, but no, maybe you had a really bad experience (sorry if that's the case), anyway, try not to generalize, other than that, there are some men who do that (I know a few guys who fit perfectly every number on your description), they lie and they don't care about other's feelings, some girls do the same, so some of these "truths" can fall into the woman version as well. Anyway, nice read, see ya.

Silberkreuz 8 weeks ago

1.- Yes, but only depending on the man.

2.- Mostly yes, but not universal. I have been in a situation where I've said that and meant it.

3.- Yes. But not exclusively... but it is certainly a big part.

4.- I don't really know about that. Maybe. I don't/haven't.

5.- Haha, going against some feminist theory there eh? I think they are to the same extent that women are, it's just women have it more drilled into them by the media they use.

Overall this just gives me the slight impression that it's been written by a jilted lover.